Do I create my own problems?

firstly, its been too long since i last blogged. sorry.
second, times are still so rough.
lastly, bloggy blog blog

ive been thinking about what people think about me. do they think im annoying. an asshole. a manwhore. inconsiderate. funny. sexay lol. idk. but im pretty sure most people find me to be annoying or an asshole or a manwhore. and i get to thinking, do i create my own problems? in highschool i used and hurt a few girls and i regret it every day but it still labels me as a manwhore. now, after highschool, i still struggle with maintaining my relationship and struggle with loyalty to my gf. i love her and nobody else i know that. but sometimes im not quite in control of what my urges. thats for another time though. i often joke rudely and idk if its just a sense of humor of mine or like a defense mechanism but i know that when people joke meanly towards me, even if its a joke, it hurts on some level. and so i worry if i hurt people. and if i do, itd be a big reason why people call me an asshole. i talk alot and joke alot and am often loud and i worry that its just to get attention, and i hate that about myself, yet seem to do barely anything to change it. idk why. this would be why people find me annoying. i worry that im clingy when it comes to my gf and best friends. but thats just because i love them so much and am always scared theyll realize im a piece of crap and just never want to see me again. my best friend says im too hard on myself but i just dont see alot of good over here. its hard. idk. i also procrastinate and then things stack up and i know i do it but then things get so hard and idk what to do. idk. i need a pick me up. a good day. a psychiatrist. a HUGE self esteem boost. idk where the hell thatll come from :/ o well. i also need to learn how to capitalize my sentences haha. see even now im laughing at something i seriously worry about and i worry that thats a defense mechanism or some crap like that. i need a hug. a cuddle from a friend. a shot of jack. im needy. slap! i need my life to start changing for the better, maybe then my blogs wont all be emo and shit. merrr sorry. thanks for listening world. ill try to blog again soon.