Do I create my own problems?

firstly, its been too long since i last blogged. sorry.
second, times are still so rough.
lastly, bloggy blog blog

ive been thinking about what people think about me. do they think im annoying. an asshole. a manwhore. inconsiderate. funny. sexay lol. idk. but im pretty sure most people find me to be annoying or an asshole or a manwhore. and i get to thinking, do i create my own problems? in highschool i used and hurt a few girls and i regret it every day but it still labels me as a manwhore. now, after highschool, i still struggle with maintaining my relationship and struggle with loyalty to my gf. i love her and nobody else i know that. but sometimes im not quite in control of what my urges. thats for another time though. i often joke rudely and idk if its just a sense of humor of mine or like a defense mechanism but i know that when people joke meanly towards me, even if its a joke, it hurts on some level. and so i worry if i hurt people. and if i do, itd be a big reason why people call me an asshole. i talk alot and joke alot and am often loud and i worry that its just to get attention, and i hate that about myself, yet seem to do barely anything to change it. idk why. this would be why people find me annoying. i worry that im clingy when it comes to my gf and best friends. but thats just because i love them so much and am always scared theyll realize im a piece of crap and just never want to see me again. my best friend says im too hard on myself but i just dont see alot of good over here. its hard. idk. i also procrastinate and then things stack up and i know i do it but then things get so hard and idk what to do. idk. i need a pick me up. a good day. a psychiatrist. a HUGE self esteem boost. idk where the hell thatll come from :/ o well. i also need to learn how to capitalize my sentences haha. see even now im laughing at something i seriously worry about and i worry that thats a defense mechanism or some crap like that. i need a hug. a cuddle from a friend. a shot of jack. im needy. slap! i need my life to start changing for the better, maybe then my blogs wont all be emo and shit. merrr sorry. thanks for listening world. ill try to blog again soon.

top 10 reasons i hate your ass

1. you think wayyyy too much of yourself.
2. youre a bitch.
3. youre so selfish and inconsiderate of anyone elses lives/plans
4.youre dating my best friend, you bitch
5.you have tried to fool around with me, even though im dating your sister
6.you think just because you have made dinner a few times, that people owe you favors or that you're entitled to get whatever you want.
7.every fucking time ANY song come on the radio you go, this is my song! you dont own a song, much less a coherent valuable thought.
8. youre a bitch
9. we did so much for you and you not once said thank you.
10. because you hurt and mistreat the one person i love most in this world.

i hope you burn in hell but even they wouldnt be able to put up with your fat shitty retarded cocky bullshit ass!!

VENNNTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

Stressing. Stressing Bad.

Im stressing so bad right now. I am late on rent. I dont make enough money. My girlfriend, although amazing, wont try hard enough to find a new job. Im constantly scared Im going to lose my job. The company I work for retains the right to fire me at any time for any reason. Im just tired. Tired of being scared. Tired of not having any money. Tired of the feeling that not having enough money is slowly tearing my relationship apart. Tired of being scared that I'll end up homeless. I dont know where Ill be a year from now but I think if its not a better place than this. I wont make it to see the age of 22. I mean that. I need to spend time with some friends. See if thatll help. I need to unwind. I need my girlfriend to pull her weight a little more. We all need something. I need a sign that things are getting better. Im in a downward spiral and its the scariest thing in my life. I wish I could be a writer. I wish I could write myself a better ending. I need a drink. ttyl world.